Watson the Dog’s lament

BEFORE

TEETH, they said, was what would be done

Nice white gnashers and that would be fun

They’d see me coming in the dark

I wouldn’t even have to bark

Just smile at the girly dogs out and about

I’d score in a flash, of that there’s no doubt

But when the vet she put me under

My romantic dreams were torn asunder

Yes my teeth are shiny and white

But while I was sleeping, out like a light,

The cowards went doggedly on to point two

Snoring flat out there was nowt I could do

BUZZZZZ and my fur piled up on the floor

I tried to wake up and make for the door

But out came the needle, back out for the count

The trimmer kept going – a dreadful amount

What now would I do when hunting for girls?

Without heaps and heaps of soft Schnauzer curls?

Well the doggies I meet are not very kind

I try to look butch like I don’t really mind

But they giggle and then it comes out in a rush

Your tail, they smirk, is a toilet brush

Watson, my man, where is all your hair?

Don’t you know your tummy and bits are all bare?

But there’s one good thing to come out of the day

When the vet went and shaved all my fur away

My collar’s too loose so, HA, if I try

I can wriggle right out of it easy as pie

And when I set eyes on a nice sexy poodle

I give it the slip and shoot off and CANOODLE!

COWABUNGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AFTER: We still love you, Watson and it WILL grow back.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We roped in a big brother and best friend to help and this is how we finished the latex sword...

Not easy to see but here Jake is cutting out white material about two inches
bigger than  the sword blade. He decided white was more Elvish than black.  

The material is on the left and he's dabbing latex on the sword.

All over the blade.

Now all over the material...

When it dries but is tacky, fix the blade on the material.

Mould it on and around, cutting 'feathers' in where the blade curves.

Now cut out a smaller piece of material for the other side of the blade.

Latex again on both. 

Here's the helpful big brother :o)

Close up after a couple of coats of latex, letting it dry in between.

Now Jake's added paint on the contours.

All the way up the blade.

And they've cut out a cool handle.

By making a template and drawing round it...

...to make a second one the same.

Cut the blade end level.

Make a groove in the middle for the stick handle and tape
the hand guard together with double-sided sticky tape. 

Like this...

and this...(nice knobbly knees, son :o)

And here's an Elvish warrior looking serious.
Don't step on his blue suede shoes.

Now for the blob on the end of the handle made from two bits with double sided sticky
tape in the middle but with the backing plastic still on at this point.
Make sure they are equal.

And then before sticking them together, cut out a groove for the stick.

Cut into a interesting shape and cover with latex...

...and material...

Last bit - cutting a long strip of leather from a pair of 1980s
ABBA trousers bought for 5 kr at a flea market - promised to love you for evermore -
that was taped round and round the handle...

And finally flour.

More than enough.

And it's FINISHED!

WELL DONE LADS!!!!!

Plans thwarted slightly...but hang in there...

Our plans to continue latex swordmaking over the weekend were thwarted when my intrepid assistant fell out of a tree and broke his left arm.

 

OUCH!!! Luckily, it's a nice clean break and will heal completely in three weeks. As soon as we've got used to the cast, we'll be back in the saddle ready to finish making the sword - probably before the end of the week.

Latex swordmaking... step one

You will need:

To watch the video at ...http://juniorrollespil.dk/gor-det-selv/. Click on the picture that says 'Lave dit eget sværd' and the really nice guy will tell you what to do in Danish. NB if you have bought the 'starter kit' sword, you can skip the first of the three videos.
We'll explain with captions under our photos below, but the most important things he says are:
1. Precision is not too important. What's important is that you're making a sword.
2. Don't use latex indoors unless you have a ventilation system or stand under an open window.
3. Wear old clothes.
4. Silicone spray (at the very end) makes swords watertight. It has the same effect on your lungs if you breathe it in!

You will also need:

• rubber gloves - not latext or they'll melt.
• an adult
• a utility/hobby knife - be careful!
• a readymade sword shaft - unless you make your own as shown in a previous post
• latex with a low amonia content
• black cotton material
• newspaper to cover the table. The Danish guy says the latext peels off the table afterwards but better safe than sorry
• acrylic paint if you want a colourful sword 20% paint mixed with 80% latex
• plastic cups for the latex

Now take a deep breath (before you get anywhere near opening the latex) and here we go... 

The photos below will take you through to the part where you cover the sword in fabric. That was as far as we got then suddenly it was time to leave for a guitar concert featuring the lead guitarist of Fuld Effekt :o).

First lay the sword flat on the table and draw a line where you want
to cut the point. 

Now turn the blade on its side and cut the corner off to form a point.

Like this.

Mind your fingers and ALWAYS CUT DOWN onto an old surface
like our garden table, or CUT AWAY FROM YOU.

This design is not meant to be symmetrical.

Here we are cutting grooves down near the handle, which you
can see poking out of the foam (bottom left).

We had trouble getting a clean cut and resorted to a kitchen knife.
Professionals use a kind of electric saw or mini sander like a dentist has
but we reckon that when it's all covered in  material, the saw marks
won't be too visible. Otherwise we'll paint them to look like a feature.

We sliced away all the square edges at an angle...

...cutting chunks out to give an interesting pattern. Wonder how we'll cover those in fabric...

Then we got to the part where we were going to start cutting out
the material to fit...

...and that's when we ran out of time...

The concert was good though.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Make your own sword...with duct tape

Follow our step-by-step instructions and design your very own sword. 

You will need:

A sleeping mat (liggeunderlag in Danish), some double-sided tape, some duct tape (Gaffa tape - black and grey), a stick or thin plastic tube like we used about 80 cm long,  scissors, 4 sheets of A4 paper, a marker pen and at least a couple of hours until bedtime.

Instructions

Tape the three sheets of A4 paper together.

This is the blade. To get it symmetrical, fold the paper in half lengthways
and draw a line like ours (but a little bit more pointy on the right hand side)

This is the top of the handle (probably has a posh name but I'll edit that in later ;o).
Fold the last sheet of paper in half  and draw a shape like ours. The shape above is quite simple. 

Cut out the handle top and blade.

They fit together like this. We got carried away, as you'll see above, and
added spikey bits but they were hard to cover in tape. Simple shapes are easier. 

Place the shapes (templates) on the mat and draw round them.
It's easier if one person holds the template still and the other draws round it. 

You will need three blades.

Five handle tops and four blobby handle ends (good technical term there ;o).
Yes, there are only three in the picture. Well spotted. 

Put the stick on one of the blades. Making sure to leave room at the tip, draw around it
and then cut out the strip from the middle so the stick lies flush inside the blade.

Tape it in place. 

Cut the stick so that enough of a handle is poking out of the end.

Wrap the end of the stick in tape to stop it eating its way through the finished sword.

It's a good idea to fix the outer blades onto the middle blade using
double-sided sticky tape or  contact glue at this point.

We didn't know that and just duct-taped our three blades together at intervals.

This is the handle (right) and the three blobby end bits.

Wrap the handle round the stick and tape it tight

First in silver and then in black for contrast.

Take the five handle-top moustache shaped bits. Cut a section out of one of them
that is the width of the stick (like we did with the middle blade). And then tape them
around the stick at the base of the blade. 

Use enough tape so it stays put and won't whizzzz off when you swing it round your head
in the heat of battle and chop off an orc's ear. But not so much that you lose the nice contours. 

Cut a stick-width section out of  two of the blobby handle ends
and tape all four of them onto the end of the stick to complete the handle.

One long strip from tip to handle top.

And then one strip down each side. Cut 'feathering' to where the edge of the blade
comes so that the tape follows the curve of the blade edge without rucking up.
Now the other side.

Add black tape details or draw lines and runes on your sword
with a black marker pen. Then challenge your friends to battle!

See also...make a sword with latex