Watson the Dog’s lament

BEFORE

TEETH, they said, was what would be done

Nice white gnashers and that would be fun

They’d see me coming in the dark

I wouldn’t even have to bark

Just smile at the girly dogs out and about

I’d score in a flash, of that there’s no doubt

But when the vet she put me under

My romantic dreams were torn asunder

Yes my teeth are shiny and white

But while I was sleeping, out like a light,

The cowards went doggedly on to point two

Snoring flat out there was nowt I could do

BUZZZZZ and my fur piled up on the floor

I tried to wake up and make for the door

But out came the needle, back out for the count

The trimmer kept going – a dreadful amount

What now would I do when hunting for girls?

Without heaps and heaps of soft Schnauzer curls?

Well the doggies I meet are not very kind

I try to look butch like I don’t really mind

But they giggle and then it comes out in a rush

Your tail, they smirk, is a toilet brush

Watson, my man, where is all your hair?

Don’t you know your tummy and bits are all bare?

But there’s one good thing to come out of the day

When the vet went and shaved all my fur away

My collar’s too loose so, HA, if I try

I can wriggle right out of it easy as pie

And when I set eyes on a nice sexy poodle

I give it the slip and shoot off and CANOODLE!

COWABUNGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AFTER: We still love you, Watson and it WILL grow back.